Ephesians 6:1-4 (NIV)
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
The next hierarchical relationship that Paul turns to in demonstrating mutual respect and submission is that of parents and children. After the husband/wife relationship, that of parents and children is among the most important in forming the underlying structures of society. As he did with wives and husbands, Paul starts at the perceived lower level of the hierarchy and moves upwards.
In order for this structure to work the way that God designed it, children are to honor their father and mother. This is so important that the requirement is enshrined as the fifth of the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12).
Honoring of parents consists of humbleness, teachableness and, of course, obedience. Underlying the requirement for this attitude is remembering that our parents have been around a lot longer that we have, that they have had to deal with stuff that we haven’t, and thus they have wisdom that we need to learn and assimilate.
As Paul points out, this is the first commandment that comes with a promise: that we will live long in the land that God has given to us. This promise is for more than just the Israelites. Honoring of parents, learning from them and practicing obedience and submission to authority from an early age under their guidance is the foundation for a stable society. When a generation doesn’t honor their parents, when they refuse to learn from them, when the younger generation believes that they know better and rebel against the authority of their parents, the seeds of anarchy begin to grow in the land, and destruction and enslavement soon follow.
It is true that there are some parents who are abusive, addicted, and seemingly unworthy of honor. But in God’s kingdom, they are still to be honored. God causes His sun to rise on the righteous and the unrighteous, and sends rain on the evil and the good, as Jesus reminded His followers (Matthew 5:43-48), urging them to imitate that pouring of positive things into the lives of others, even into the lives of the least deserving of them. Many parents have been won to the kingdom through the love, submission, and honoring of their saved children.
Parents, on the other hand, are not to exasperate their children by being abusive or capricious. Children need to stability of consistency and kindness in order to grow consistent and kind themselves.
Parents must take seriously the charge God has given them to raise their children in the training and instruction of the Lord. Fathers especially have been given this charge as the spiritual leader of the family. When a father does not fulfill this calling, often the mother will take up the mantle, but there is no substitute for the strong teachings of a godly father about how to live as a member of God’s kingdom. Hard statistics show that in families where the father accepts God’s call to lead his family spiritually, and to take the lead in the evangelism and discipleship of the children, a far higher percentage of those children will choose to follow Jesus.
As in the other relationships, the attitude of humility, mutual respect, submission, and a powerful acceptance of the God-assigned role of each person make the relationships work as God designed them to.
Father, it is true that many of us grew up or are growing up in a home where one or both parents are not “worthy” of this kind of honor and respect. But there is no escape clause in Your commandment – no “as long as they are worthy of honor and respect”. Instead, in those places that they aren’t worthy, our respect and obedience can actually prove to be a catalyst for their own transformation. Lord, whether we are acting as children of parents or as parents of children, or as both, help us to act in those roles as You have commanded, so that, by our own obedience, we can have a transformative effect on our society, which needs it so badly. Amen.