Ephesians 5:21–33 (NIV)
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
As children of light (Ephesians 5:8-9), equal partners in the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12-27), each having been given spiritual gifts and graces (1 Corinthians 12:1-11) to enable us to play the roles that God has assigned us to, there must be mutual respect and mutual submission among the members of the body. This mutual respect and submission allows each part to be effective in fulfilling its roles and responsibilities, while staying out of the way of the other parts and their calling.
Paul addresses three pairs of people, each of the pairs existing in hierarchical relationship to each other, in order to illustrate what this mutual respect and submission looks like in these relationships. It is easy to engage in mutual respect and submission with those who are our social equals. It is not as easy to do the same with those who are above or below us in social structures. But God requires of His people not just two-way horizontal mutual respect and submission, but two-way vertical mutual respect and submission.
First, Paul looks at how this mutual respect and submission works out in the most basic partnership in creation: that of husband and wife. Created in the beginning as equal partners in the stewardship of creation (Genesis 2:18), after the fall, man was given authority over the woman, and responsibility for her safety and well-being (Genesis 3:16b and verse 23 above).
In the world, this hierarchical relationship has frequently been abused, with the man acting as lord rather than caretaker and nurturer, and the woman resisting that authority in an attempt to exert more control and self-sovereignty. That power struggle, “the battle of the sexes” had become axiomatic even in the days of the early Church when Paul was writing.
Just as salvation, being grafted into the body of Christ, and the resulting transformation changed how a person lived in his day-to-day world, so it must transform interpersonal relationships. Instead of lording his authority over his wife, using her for his own pleasure and agenda, God’s will is that the husband be restored to his proper role of caretaker, provider and defender of the woman, doing everything in his power to help her to develop into the godly woman and effective partner in the work of the kingdom that God has designed her to be.
And he is not just to do this as time and convenience permit. It is his God-given role, and he is to pursue it with the same passion, intensity and sacrifice as Jesus Himself demonstrated in giving Himself up for the Church in order to build it and to make it holy.
The woman, on the other hand, is to submit to her husband’s leadership, in part because the man will be judged by God on how effective he has been in that primary role. And in addition, rebellion, power struggles and manipulation only serve to make the husband less effecting in caring for his wife, defending her and providing the nurture and support that will help her to grow and develop into the powerful, effective disciple that God created her to be. It’s the classic example of shooting oneself in the foot!
The model given by Jesus for the roles and relationship between a husband and his wife is exactly mirrored in the relationship that exists between Jesus and his bride, the Church. It is the basis for every good thing that happens in the Church, every success that we experience. And in marriages, this relationship of respect and mutual submission will effect powerful, positive transformation in families, which will in turn effect powerful, positive transformation in whole societies.
Father, as in everything, Your plan is perfect and right. I have counseled many couples on this passage with regard to their God-assigned roles in marriage, and the mutual respect and submission that is to characterize their marriage relationship. Without exception, I have found that women really want a godly husband who will love them like Jesus, who will provide for their needs, and will care for them and nurture their spiritual growth. I have also found that many of the men came to the marriage with a distorted view of their role, and the role of their wives; a worldly, hierarchical idea of authority and submission that this Scripture helped to clarify and correct. Lord, thank You for Your word, and for the power if has to transform both heart and mind. Amen.